Bangladesh v England – as it happened
时间：2019-08-29 责任编辑：公良缠忮 来源：云顶集团4008 点击：248 次
Preamble Morning. What hell crazy kinda England side are we watching at this World Cup? They have morphed from morbid losers into loose cannons; Mark Corrigan one minute, Super Hans the next. For a time they even managed to outdo Pakistan, until Tuesday, when Pakistan looked England up and down, sniggered disdainfully and then showed them what maverick cricket really looks like.
Today, the Cornered Lions meet Bangladesh's Tigers. Though this fixture looks nowhere near as tricky as it did eight days ago, it is still a dicey assignment. If England win they are all but through to the quarter-finals; if they lose, squeaky-bum time will seem like a golden age.
In Mohali, Ireland need 276 to win to beat the West Indies after Kieron Pollard boshed 94 from 55 balls.
Bangladesh have won the toss, to wild cheers, and will field first. That's a slight surprise, although Andrew Strauss said he would also have bowled first.
England make three changes: EOIN MORGAN!!!! for Kevin Pietersen, Ajmal Shahzad for Stuart Broad and Paul Collingwood for Michael Yardy. So that means just one spinner, while Matt Prior to open in place of Pietersen. Bangladesh bring in Mahmudullah for Mohammad Ashraful.
Bangladesh Tamim Iqbal, Imrul Kayes, Junaid Siddique, Raqibul Hasan, Shakib Al Hasan (c), Mushfiqur Rahim (wk), Mahmudullah, Naeem Islam, Abdur Razzak, Shafiul Islan, Rubel Hossain.
England Strauss (c), Prior (wk), Trott, Bell, Morgan, Bopara, Collingwood, Bresnan, Swann, Shahzad, Anderson.
Something chirpy to talk about during today's play Weirdness. Specifically, weird phobias. For some reason, half the time I walk out of shops I expect the alarm to go off – even when I haven't stuffed a load of expensive goods into my bag.
I feel my feet slow down as I reach the door, certain I'm going to have to stop and show the security guard that there's nothing in my bag and politely explain to him that, yes, you can be roguishly good looking without being a rogue; yes, you can pull off the urban-deviant look without being an urban deviant; yes, you can drive girls wild with your bad-boy chic while actually being a good guy; and yes, on this occasion the man upstairs did indeed give with both hands.
Anyway, the alarm things is all very weird, and I wish it would stop. It's not as if it relates to a criminal adolescence; the only thing I ever stole was a strawberry bonbon, and I was so racked with guilt that it tasted disgusting.
Please tell me you have weird stories too. I don't want to be the only one.
1st over: England 4-0 (Strauss 2, Prior 1) This is a novelty: a seamer opening the bowling. It's Shafiul Islam and, after starting with a wide, he then beats Matt Prior with consecutive jaffas. The first swung late, the second seamed and bounced. Welcome back to the top of the order. "I assume my card will be rejected every time," says Alex Netherton, "so I always have sufficient cash with me to cover it in case." Is that a phobia or just pragmatism?
2nd over: England 6-0 (Strauss 4, Prior 1) Another seamer, Rubel Hossain, will share the new ball. The pitch has a bit of grass on it, which is probably why Bangladesh have gone with two seamers rather than one seamer and a spinner. He has a biggish shout for LBW against Strauss second ball from a ball, yet it pitched well outside leg. The fourth ball brings a carbon copy - but staggeringly, Bangladesh decide to review it. That's a monstrous howler, because it pitched miles outside leg. That aside, Bangladesh have started well and Rubel slants a good delivery past Strauss's outside edge. England might start carefully for five overs or so here, partly because of the conditions and particularly because of that shocking start against South Africa on Sunday. "If you haven't bought anything, why are you carrying a bag?" says Ben Dunn. "That's just asking for an intrusive search by the mildly camp shop assistant. Is it a Louis Vuitton?" You don't carry a man bag, a jaunty little number in which you keep your lotions, moisturiser, eye balm and Guardian Style Guide, ? Weirdo.
3rd over: England 12-0 (Strauss 5, Prior 6) That's the first boundary, a wide, swinging delivery from Shafiul that is square-driven for four by Prior. That aside it's another good over – very straight, which is always good to Prior – and Bangladesh will be very pleased with this start. "Horses," says Tom Van der Gucht. "I feel intimidated and scared by horses. They're just too big. And I'm sure they can sense my unease and fear, horses tend to give me dirty looks as if to say 'What's your problem?' I want to shout 'You are, you're my problem!' but talking to horses is a bad road to walk down."
4th over: England 13-0 (Strauss 6, Prior 6) When Bangladesh started the tournament by fielding first against India, their seamers had a shocker, but this has been an admirably disciplined start. Rubel gives Strauss no room at all in that over, and after four dot balls Strauss drives down the ground for a single. "I'm the same as you with the alarms," says Alastair Malcom. "I even pause my ipod as I go through them, as if I might miss the alarm somehow. But I take solace in the fact I have a mate with a phobia of ketchup; it genuinely unsettles him having it on the table. which makes me seem normal by comparison."
5th over: England 25-0 (Strauss 11, Prior 13) England have barely played an attacking stroke, although that's mainly because of excellent bowling. The control of line and length has been outstanding. And the moment I type that, Shafiul sends down a wide half volley that Prior drives ruthlessly through extra cover for four. Then Strauss, driving, edges through the vacant second-slip area for four. "I must confess to a fear of 'being found out'," says Phil Withall. "Not that I have done anything wrong but there is always this nagging voice in the back of my mind saying 'They're going to get you for that'. Also, if you have time, " This is brilliant. I knew this was a good idea. By the end of the today, I am going to feel almost normal!
6th over: England 27-0 (Strauss 11, Prior 15) Prior cuts Rubel for a couple, but those are the only runs from another very accurate over. "That feeling you get around store alarms is similar to mine and police cars," says . "No matter what time of day, or what state I'm in, if I am driving next to/in front of a police car, I assume he is going to pull me over." Well, if you will own a Starsailor CD you get what you deserve.
7th over: England 31-0 (Strauss 15, Prior 15) Here's the first of many spinners, the offie Naeem Islam. After five dot balls, Strauss is given too much width and screws a cut to third man for four. "It's not a phobia as such, but I really cannot stand it when people open cereal packets from the wrong end," says Martin Sinclair. "Why would anyone do that?! The correct end has clever things like instructions and a flap that's easy to slide you finger into. Why would any normal, sane person use the other end? Sends me doolally, I tell you." Oh crikey, we're moved into this territory already.
WICKET! England 32-1 (Prior st Mushfiqur b Razzak 15) This is an staggeringly air-headed dismissal from Matt Prior, who has been stumped off a wide from Abdur Razzak. Prior missed a push down the leg side and, although his foot was just in the crease when Mushfiqur took the bails off, it then slipped out of the crease. Instead of dragging it back, he stood gawping at the third umpire over the original appeal, and that allowed the alert Mushfiqur to have a second bite at the cherry by pulling a stump out of the ground. It was for that, rather than the first appeal, that Prior was given out by the third umpire. That was bizarre.
8th over: England 35-1 (Strauss 16, Trott 1) The new batsman is Jonathan Trott, the man who makes you think everything is going to be okay. "Marvellous stuff from Prior!" says Phil Withall. "This England team just can't stop providing new and innovative ways of keeping up their 'Entertainers' tag. What next Strauss to stump Trott and get himself run out in the same delivery?" It's a competition with Pakistan, like two drunks in a pub headbutting bottles and drinking toilet water to show who's the greater maverick. Or something. Something, I think, on reflection.
9th over: England 37-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 2) Strauss tries to cut a ball that is too close for the shot and misses the off stump by this much. Two singles from Naeem's over. Early impressions are that this will be very hard work for the batsmen, and that anything above 280 would be a handy score. "I have terrifying Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, which is fear of long words," says Phil Dobbin. "Even typing that made me do a passable impression of Linda Blair in the head spinning scene of 'The Exorcist'..."
10th over: England 37-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 2) A maiden from Razzak to Trott. This is excellent from Bangladesh. "I have a driving phobia," says
John Crawley Andrew Stroud. "If I'm on the main road with the right of way, I'm terrified of vehicles approaching a junction from the left, ever since being knocked off my bike by a car coming out of a side road about 30 years ago. Even today, when I'm driving, I still flinch when I see a car speed up to a junction while I'm on the main road, even though no further incidents have occurred since that day cycling down to Grace Hill in Sunny Folkestone for double science, all those years ago." That's pretty rational, though. What do you think this is, a forum for normal people?
WICKET! England 39-2 (Strauss c Junaid Siddique b Naeem Islan 18) Strauss got away with a dodgy cut in Naeem Islam's previous over, and now he has fallen to one. It was again too close for the shot, and this time he screwed it to slip, where Junaid Siddique took a very sharp catch. England are in a fair bit of bother here.
11th over: England 40-2 (Trott 3, Bell 1) If Tamim comes off later today – and he is due – England will be in serious bother. His innings will probably decide the game. "My phone," says Kathryn Oliver. "It just sits there looking at me." That's the best film David Lynch never directed. Just 150 minutes of someone disintegrating as their phone looks at them.
12th over: England 40-2 (Trott 3, Bell 1) Bell, pushing at Razzak, edges not far short of slip. This has got a sniff about it. England are really struggling to work the ball around, and the dot-ball ratio that was so impressive against India and Ireland must be hopeless today. There are six more in that over, Razzak's second consecutive maiden. "When I was younger I used to be extremely scared of heights," says Duncan Haskell. "One morning my dad decided to take decisive action and locked me out on the roof of our house until I was no longer afraid. After a couple of hours of sheer terror I eventually realised I was quite safe and his maverick methods had actually paid off. To this day I wish I'd come back later in the week having developed a mass phobia of naked ladies."
Ireland update They are 64 for two after 16 overs, chasing 275. So they need 212 from 34 overs at 6.23 per over. Stranger things have happened on a Friday in March.
13th over: England 43-2 (Trott 5, Bell 2) Another over passes by in an instant, with just three singles from Naeem Islam. This is fascinating stuff, and at the moment Bangladesh are well on top. "I can feel for Andrew in the 10th over," says Machiel Akkerman. "I have sort of the same. Ever since I was knocked of my racing bike by someone casually opening his car door I never dare to venture near a parked car door again, which means half of the time I'm in the middle of the road which is far more dangerous. What these things can do to you."
14th over: England 44-2 (Trott 6, Bell 2) Just a single from Razzak's over. Bangladesh are flying through the overs, each one taking barely two minutes. It's , to make the batsmen think there are more overs remaining than is actually the case. "Despite being 30 and carrying ID, I worry every time that I go to the off licence that I'm going to be asked for ID," says Nic Denson. "The panic results in me getting cold sweats and looking shifty, hence becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy." That's so true; I had the same when going to nightclubs. Until my hair fell out and I started to look more like one of the bouncers than one of the people trying to get in.
15th over: England 47-2 (Trott 8, Bell 3) A better over for England, bringing three whole runs. So the five overs of the bowling Powerplay produced ten overs and a wicket. "Will all due respect, mate, I think 280 is way above par for this Chittagong Super-Slow Special," says my sometime colleague Dileep Premachandran. "I'd fancy England to defend 200. Swann and Shahzad will have to bowl really badly not to get a bagful." I'm just one of life's optimists, I suppose. But yes, you are right. I'd still want 280 to feel comfortable, in case Tamim comes off, but par is what, 230, if that. England will probably need Morgan to come off if they are to get significantly more than that.
16th over: England 49-2 (Trott 9, Bell 4) I should stress that this pitch isn't a raging turner. It's not even a mild turner. It's just extremely slow; there's more life in a tramp's vest, whatever that means. Two singles from the over, so Razzak has figures of 5-2-7-1. He's good, but he's not that good. "This may be blurring the boundary between a phobia and manageable OCD but I always assume the door isn't locked if I haven't tapped it eight times before leaving," says Suzanne Hall. "The words moist, voucher, bap and pony make me itch as I find them so abhorrent and I can't bear the sound of water being poured out of a kettle which is a shame as I like to drink tea almost constantly throughout the day. I also work on the premise that my friends hate me after spending any time with them - a text message to check the next day is usually necessary. I always assume I have accidentally CCed in the whole office when I email OBO as well." You've got to love the CC paranoia.
WICKET! England 53-3 (Bell c Naeem Islam b Mahmdullah 5) This is an another wretched dismissal, straight from the pre-maturity Ian Bell scrapbook. It was a nothing delivery from the new bowler Mahmdullah, and Bell chipped it tamely to midwicket. I have no idea what he was trying to do there. He walks off shaking his head after a forgettable innings of five from 23 balls.
17th over: England 54-3 (Trott 12, Morgan 1) It was Mahmdullah, not Naeem Islam, who took that wicket. I can't distinguish between short, flat offspinners. So sue me! Anyway, Eoin Morgan!!! walks out to play his first World Cup innings for England and, just for a change, he has a mess to clean up. "Walking down long, empty corridors," says Devika Pande. "I don't know if it's the echoing, hollow sound or the eerie feeling that someone is watching me from the back but it just freaks me out. Does the Guardian headquarters have any?"
Metaphorically, that's all it ha Not really, no, although
18th over: England 55-3 (Trott 12, Morgan 2) Just one single from Razzak's over. England can hardly get him off the square. This, as that little known cricket fan Celine Dion once noted, is getting serious. "Having once ran out of loo roll after persuading a girl far far out of my league back to mine, and realising far too late, I have never allowed this to happen again," says Will Davies. "Now whenever I go to the supermarket I always buy at least 18 rolls. And that's at least twice a week."
19th over: England 59-3 (Trott 14, Morgan 4) I can't believe I'm watching Eoin Morgan in a World Cup for England. I hardly slept a wink last night with
the piles excitement. He's started well, picking the gaps to make four from eight balls and drag that dot-ball ratio down a little bit. "A friend of mine developed appropriate CC phobia after accidentally replying to everyone on a birthday invite email," says Jon. "It would have been fine if it was a simple yes or no, but instead she decided to share the doubts about her forthcoming marriage. To about 50 people. Still, we've got two kids now..."
20th over: England 64-3 (Trott 18, Morgan 5) Five from Razzak's over. England are rotating the strike much better now. "When I lived in Hawaii, I was always afraid that The People's Liberation Army of China would invade, and I'd be forced to escape capture by fleeing to the upper slopes of Mauna Loa volcano, where I would have to live on my wits," says Mac Millings. "That wouldn't have lasted long."
21st over: England 70-3 (Trott 19, Morgan 10) Masterful stuff from Morgan, who comes down the track and chips Mahmudullah decisively over midwicket for four. That's a fine stroke, and England's first boundary for 82 balls. "Neither blood, nor needles, nor anything normal scares me about that whole genre of phobias," says Richard Craig. "I am, however, terrified by the thought of the circulatory system. Just the mere contemplation of arteries, valves and blood pressure brings me out in a cold sweat. It's a vicious circle, however, as the fear raises my blood pressure to the point where it is even harder to ignore. So much so that, on the one occasion I gave blood, my heart was pounding so heavily that my pint came out in under twenty seconds. Then I fainted." I remember a teacher talking about nose bleeds at school once, a 20-minute affair throughout which I was convinced I was about to die.
22nd over: England 75-3 (Trott 20, Morgan 14) The genius is back. Shakib Al Hasan brings himself on, and his first ball is driven lazily over mid off for a one-bounce four by Morgan. He is pure class and has skipped to 15 from 17 balls. The rest of the team have 57 from 115. "Trott and Morgan," says Mike McCarthy. "By God they're different batsmen but you can't help loving them both." They are very different in many respects, but they both have ice in their veins and that has served them well in this nascent partnership.
23rd over: England 82-3 (Trott 20, Morgan 21) This is beautiful batting from Morgan, who comes down the track to chip Mahmudullah over midwicket for four more with outstanding timing and placement. Effortless stuff. At times his talent is terrifying, and he has completely changed the mood of this match. "I am not sure if it is quite a phobia, but I will do anything to avoid leaving an answer phone message," says Ian Palmer. "I mean, you just sound so ridiculous on an answer phone!"
24th over: England 86-3 (Trott 23, Morgan 22) Four from the over. "So," says Phil Withall, "can you remind us as to why Morgan missed out in the first place?" Don't get me started.
25th over: England 94-3 (Trott 25, Morgan 28) Too short from Mahmudullah, and Morgan rocks back to hammer a pull for four. He looks in wonderful nick. To see an
Englishman England player bat like this is beautiful. That said, he takes a very tight single into the covers that leaves Trott in some trouble and he just survives a run-out referral on a split frame. That was so, so close. I suspect he was probably out, but because of the split frame he could not be given out. With a direct hit it would not even have been close. "I don't like drains/gaps/bridges/anything similar into or down which anything I am carrying or is safe in a pocket or a bag will inexplicably, at the exact moment of passing said gap, release itself from its previously safe nest and disappear into a sewer/abyss/railway line/etc forever lost to me," says John Dalby. "Once safely past the hazard I'll spend a good five minutes pondering ways to retrieve my wallet/wedding ring/half eaten bag of Haribo had disaster struck." The first bit I kind of understand. The second bit scares me a lot.
26th over: England 99-3 (Trott 25, Morgan 32) This is a good move from Shakib Al Hasan. He has brought on the seamer Rubel Hossain to bowl to Morgan, who had been bullying the spinners with ease. The move is so nearly rewarded from the very first ball, when Morgan edges a fraction wide of the keeper and away for four. That was very close, and Morgan is also beaten off the final delivery of an excellent over. "I live in India, a tropical, wild country full of man-eating animals and mosquitoes and crazy rickshaw drivers so I suppose it isn't terribly weird that I'm scared to death of snakes," says Leo Mirani. "What worries me in equal measure though is that something will fall on my head. The list includes lampposts, building beams, construction pylons and, most importantly, coconuts. I know the chances are pretty slim but it would just be such a humiliating way to go."
27th over: England 104-3 (Trott 29, Morgan 33) Naeem Islam replaces Mahmudullah. What's that hideous shriek every time they announce a new bowler? It sounds like an extended version of the . Anyway, Trott reverse sweeps the ball cleverly for three to bring up an excellent fifty partnership from just 62 balls. "I have developed something of a fear of Philosophy, ever since I studied epistemology and for a week became convinced that I didn't exist," says Joseph Orchard. "Also I am scared of women, I saw one yesterday and nearly fell over." That's no way to greet your mother. Honk!
Ireland update They are 126 for three from 29 overs, and need 150 off 126 balls. That should be a cracking finish.
28th over: England 111-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 33) Trott gets his first boundary from his 54th delivery, walking across the stumps to flick Rubel Hossain behind square. He paces his innings so well. Rubel then cuts – that's cuts – Morgan in half with a good delivery and has a desperate shout for LBW. It pitched outside leg, but Rubel has given Morgan plenty of problems in this little spell and is surely worth keeping on for at least one more over. "Trott and Morgan," says Ian Palmer. "Ying and Yang. Black and White. Night and Day. Karma and Sutra. Beauty and Beast. But if anyone else calls Trott a beast I will be very upset at them."
29th over: England 118-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 37) Erm, apologies for the typo in the previous over, which has now been amended. The same thing happened on Sunday, rather worryingly. New subconscious, please! Anyway, Morgan drags a sweep very fine for four off Naeem Islam in an over that brings seven.
30th over: England 123-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 41) Rubel does continue, which is definitely the right move, and for my sake I hope he doesn't cut Morgan in half again. He does have a huge shout for LBW against Morgan turned down. There was only one issue: whether the ball pitched outside leg. I suspect it did, but it would have been well worth a review if Bangladesh had two remaining. Of course they only have one, because of that daft review earlier, although it doesn't matter because replays show it pitched outside leg. Morgan responds with the most gorgeous piece of placement, walking down the wicket to drive a low full toss through extra cover for four. I've run out of things to say about him; he's just a genius.
31st over: England 126-3 (Trott 40, Morgan 42) Can the ICC ban the cut stroke please? I'm getting worried about this. It's now seam from both ends, with Shafiul Islam. That's a good move for two reasons: because Morgan has looked less secure against pace, and because the ball might reverse swing before it is changed after 34 overs. Three singles from the over. "Meanwhile," says Alex Laugharne, "I'm terrified that a high-tensile wire like what holds up electricity pylons will come loose when I walk past and cut me in half, ever since I was told they have the capability to do that when I was about eight."
TROTT SURVIVES A REVIEW! England 132-3 (Trott c Mushfiqur b Shakib 43, LBW b Shakib 40) They're reviewing for everything. Shall I tell you what happened? You want to know what happened? Sure? Okay, here's what happened. Trott pushed at a good one from Shakib that went through to Mushfiqur. He caught the ball and then, in trying to cover all bases with the stumping, dropped it. Shakib appealed for the review, primarily for caught behind. There was no edge – and Mushfiqur might not have held the ball long enough anyway – but it also looked a decent shout for LBW. Replays showed the ball was just hitting the top of off stump, which means we stay with the on-field call of not out. Except the not-out call was for the caught behind. Confused? Excellent. Shakib has got the face on and, while I can sort of understand that, I don't see how Trott could have been given out there. Certainly not for the caught behind, which was Shakib's main appeal.
32nd over: England 132-3 (Trott 43, Morgan 45) "Could this be the first time two Irishmen have scored centuries playing for different teams in a World Cup on a Friday in March?" says Sam Blackledge, whose address, phone number and vital statistics I shall print for all your retributory needs when Morgan is out in the next over.
33rd over: England 134-3 (Trott 44, Morgan 46) If I had time I'd look at Morgan v seam and spin, as it has been two completely different games. Just two from another good Shafiul over. In fact, here we are: 10 from 20 balls off seam, 36 off 36 from spin, so he double the strike rate against spin. Now, a few of you have mentioned that there is no detail of Strauss and Bell's dismissal. Really? I did write some; I'm not that useless. What normally happens is that we type the bare detail, so that YOU, THE READER gets the basic information immediately, and then we return to add the detail. Which should be there now. Right?
34th over: England 139-3 (Trott 46, Morgan 49) Five from Shakib's over, all in low-risk ones and twos. "I have a complete fear of driving round country lanes ever since I smashed my mini (old style, this was twenty years ago) into the front of a post office van on a bend in a country lane in Hertfordshire," says Nigel Smith. "The steering wheel (the size of one off a bus) bashed into my knee cap and as I got out to give this Van Driver a piece of my mind my leg was had lost all feeling and I fell into the ditch by the side of the road where the said van driver had to help me out. God, the humiliation."
Ireland watch, aka squeaky-bum time They are 163 for three after 36 overs, so they need 113 from 84 balls. Kevin O'Brien hasn't batted yet, and they have a Powerplay up their sleeve. They couldn't do it again, could they?
35th over: England 144-3 (Trott 48, Morgan 52) Morgan cuts Shafiul for a single to reach a lovely, initiative-seizing half-century, from 60 balls and with seven fours. Time for drinks. "I work in the public sector and have a fear of sending a typo like the one in over 28 in an e-mail to senior management," says Patrick Coulson. "Especially with all the cuts in the coalition government."
Ah, apparently the auto-refresh does not update paragraphs that are subsequently amended (such as when there's a wicket and, er, a little typo). But if you do it manually, with a hearty tickle of F5, they will update.
36th over: England 147-3 (Trott 50, Morgan 53) Trott works Shakib into the leg side to reach another unobtrusive half century, this one from 78 balls. Three from the over.
Ed Joyce has gone So
Sam Blackledge lives at Ireland are 177 for four from 38, needing 99 from 72 balls. Boom Boom O'Brien is at the crease.
37th over: England 156-3 (Trott 52, Morgan 60) So, the P word. I would leave it for now, as these two are going pretty well. After five in ones and twos, Morgan pings a full delivery from Shafiul over midwicket for a brilliant one-bounce four. That brings up a nerveless century partnership from two men whose hearts would not skip a beat if you dropped an entire family of marmots in the bath. "Further to Patrick Coulson's email, I am also a public sector worker," says Andi Thomas. "I once managed to sign off a long, important, slightly controversial and endlessly drafted and re-drafted mail with a chirpy 'Kind retards'. Fortunately, everybody saw the funny side. And still do. Years later." To your face, they do. You should see the emails they haven't accidentally sent to you.
38th over: England 161-3 (Trott 54, Morgan 63) Five from Shakib's over, all low-risk ones and twos. "I'm struggling to find a cricket song used by Sky many, many years ago for their cricket coverage," says Lorraine Reese. "All I remember is the line 'Young lions are gonna roar', which I admit isn't that helpful. I've failed miserably with Google so I'm turning to the mighty OBO for help – does anyone remember the song and what it was called/who recorded it?" Well?
WICKET! England 162-5 (Morgan c Imrul Kayes b Naeem Islan 63) What a fantastic catch from Imrul Kayes! Morgan swept the returning Naeem Islam flat and hard towards deep square leg, and Kayes ran it to take a superb low catch, two-handed as he dived forward. Wonderful work. That's the end of a delightful innings from Morgan, 63 from 72 balls.
39th over: England 163-4 (Trott 54, Bopara 1) Sam Blackledge's phone is 0*3*3 3*33*3. All the threes. "Kevin at the crease in one game, Eoin at the crease in the other," says Sara Torvalds. Whoops! "Unlike many people, my trouble is not with the boss (or emailing management-level cuts, brilliant as Patrick Coulson's phobia is in the 35th over) as I'm my own woman, so I've given up the pretence of work long ago - but how do I follow two matches simultaneously? I've got two computers running side by side, with the England game on one and the OBO and several Cricinfo pages open on the other, but I'm running out of eyes here..."
40th over: England 169-4 (Trott 60, Bopara 2) Ireland are struggling too, 191 for five after 40 overs. So they need 85 from the last 10. Back in Chittagong, Trott whips Shakib through midwicket off the back foot for only his second boundary. England are still well set for a total of around 230, although a lot will depend on whether Bopara comes off. He can be a punishing death hitter. He usually likes to have 10-15 balls to get his eye in first, mind.
41st over: England 174-4 (Trott 64, Bopara 3) The left-arm spinner Abdur Razzak, who strangled England earlier with figures of 7-1-13-1, returns to the attack. Trott reverse laps the first ball for three in an over that brings five. "Email address auto-complete in Outlook is fairly dangerous," says Fiona Dunlop. "Emailing your boss with 'Hi Dad' is just weird…" Especially when you didn't even have the auto-complete on.
42nd over: England 177-4 (Trott 66, Bopara 5) England have taken the Powerplay. Everyone behind the sofa please. I would have left it an over or two longer, to let Bopara get his eye in a wee bit more. Anyhow, Trott survives another run-out referral – he was gone with a direct hit from cover – in an over that brings just four singles. "I used to have a tremendous fear of leaving the handbrake off in the car," says Jo Beasley. "If parked on an incline I'd have to keep dashing back to peer through the window, ensuring my car wasn't about to roll down the hill taking out hundreds of innocents. I've recently had a new car which has no handbrake, just a button on the dashboard. I'm now in therapy." Is that what they call this? It's only a matter of time before we stop talking about cricket on the OBO and get done to brass tacks, namely the psychological rubbish flowing through all of us. It'll be like the film Mumford, only without the charm and Zooey Deschanel.
It's all over for Ireland. They are 199 for six, and need 77 from 50 balls. That's bad for the tournament but it does mean that England will be through if they win today.
43rd over: England 181-4 (Trott 67, Bopara 7) The good news is that England have survived two overs of the Powerplay without losing a wicket; the bad news is that they have scored just seven runs in that time, with only three from that over by the wily Razzak. Time for Bopara to start trying to hit sixes. "Re: Lorraine Reese (over 38)," says Patrick O'Brien, for whose brother the ladies should form an orderly queue. "I'm pretty sure that was the theme tune for the 1994 West Indies tour. It was one of the great theme tunes and one that my brother is after for his ringtone. Along with the Captain Sensible penned tunes for Cannon Fodder and Sensible Soccer for the Amiga..."
WICKET! England 183-5 (Trott c Junaid Siddique b Shakib Al Hasan 68) In an unusual development, England are making a right dog's dinner of the Powerplay. After another tight over from Shakib, Trott makes room and cross-bats a deliberately wider delivery straight down long off's throat. Smart bowling from Shakib, who saw Trott coming, and Bangladesh are right back in this match.
44th over: England 187-5 (Bopara 9, Swann 4) Graeme Swann has been promoted above Paul Collingwood for the last two overs of the Powerplay, a good move I think. And that's why: Swann lines up his first delivery and smacks a reverse slog-sweep over the covers for four. Great stuff. "Rob, what is with all the "coming off" in today's OBO?" says James Williams. "We have had two references querying whether Tamim will "come off" later, one mention of England's need for Morgan to "come off" and now another comment about Bopara's "coming off" ability. Did I miss the memo or is there some bet involved that you need to share with us?" Nup, none of those, just poor writing from me I'm afraid.
WICKET! England 195-6 (Bopara c Naeem Islam b Abdul Razzak 16) Bopara's slightly laboured innings of 16 from 22 balls comes to an end when he makes room and flogs Razzak straight to extra cover. He didn't come off today, but if Tamim comes off England will have a big problem. 'Come off it', you might say, 230 will be fine, but we all know what Tamim can do.
45th over: England 198-6 (Swann 5, Collingwood 1) Paul Collingwood comes in at No8, yet another new role for England's odd-job man. He has batted here before, but not since he was a . Razzak ends with terrific and deserved figures of 10-2-32-2. "I confess to trusting media pundits and commentators far too much, to the extent that if I hear them mispronounce a word on air, I am torn between dismissing said commentator as an ignoramus or questioning my own historic usage of the word in question," says Sarah Bacon. "To wit: during this morning's coverage of the Ireland v West Indies game, Mark Nicholas described one of the Windies players as the 'epi-TOME' of a good cricketer. I've been torturing myself as to the accepted pronunciation of 'epi-to-me' ever since. And it will keep me awake tonight as well."
Apparently there was a UDRS controversy over the dismissal of Ireland's Gary Wilson, which was the turning point of a match that West Indies are now winning comfortably. Oh dear.
46th over: England 207-6 (Swann 11, Collingwood 4) The last over of the Powerplay, bowled by Rubel Hossain, goes for nine. There's more good work from Swann, who makes room to scorch a boundary over mid off. The rest come in dribs and drabs. "Care to give a little hat-tip to a hack in the shires?" says Erik Petersen. "Matt Halfpenny of the Nottingham Post won sport writer of the year at last night's Midlands Media Awards and pissup at Edgbaston. It's worth noting that he won the award entirely on the back of writing about Notts' championship season -–nary a word about the football. Proof – proof! – that good things can still happen to people who write about county cricket in local newspapers." Great stuff, and congratulations to Jill Halfpenny. Sorry.
WICKET! England 209-7 (Swann ct and b Shakib Al Hasan 12) Swann top edges a reverse slog sweep straight up in the air and Shakib takes an easy return catch. That was a decent cameo from Swann, 12 from eight balls.
47th over: England 212-7 (Collingwood 5, Bresnan 2) Just five from Shakib's final over, so he ends with figures of 10-0-49-2. "Was Swann being used as a Powerplaywatchman?" says Ant Pease.
WICKET! England 215-8 (Bresnan c Shafiul Islam b Rubel Hossain 2) Bresnan slices a full toss up in the air, and Shafiul takes the catch at backward point. Bresnan is unhappy, thinking it was over waist height and therefore a no-ball, but it certainly wasn't and he is on his way. He should have been run out two balls earlier, in fact. He was wheezing back for two, well short of his ground, but the throw from the deep went through the hands of the bowler Rubel Hossain.
48th over: England 217-8 (Collingwood 9, Shahzad 1) Five from that over as well, and this game is really tough to call now. If England lose today, they will go out of the tournament unless they beat West Indies in their final match. Where's that eek emoticon when you need it? "I have a sewer grate just outside my house," boasts Richard Mansell, "and whenever I (or wife) have parked the car so that the driver door is over the grate, I fear that I'll drop the key into it while fumblingly unlocking the door. I've been known to restart the car just to move it a foot away."
WICKET! England 217-9 (Shahzad b Shafiul Islam 1) You miss, I'll hit. Shahzad has a reckless waft at Shafiul's first delivery, which shaves the inside edge on its way through to hit middle stump. All Shahzad needed to do there was get Collingwood on strike. Oh, England.
49th over: England 219-9 (Collingwood 9, Anderson 1) Shafiul keeps Anderson on strike for four deliveries with some terrific bowling. Collingwood eventually gets on strike for the final delivery, but he can't get a single so Anderson will be on strike for the final over. There's an odd incident at the end of the over when Bangladesh review a caught behind, even though they had already used two reviews. I actually thought the umpires had gone upstairs for a run out review, after some prompting from Bangladesh, yet all they showed on the replays was the caught behind. Either way, Collingwood was not out. "I've got a phobia of inadvertently using nuclear swear words whilst typing an OBO," says Neill Halliday. "Ridiculous, I know! That sort of thing could never happen." Not in a place as professional as this.
WICKET! England 225 all out (Collingwood run out 14) A brilliant direct hit from Naeem Islam at midwicket ends the England innings with two balls to spare. Collingwood had already scampered back for two lung-busting twos, but he fell going for a third thanks to a superb piece of fielding. So, Bangladesh need 226 to win the match and leave England on the brink of an early elimination. I would make England slight favourites on a very slow pitch, but they only have one spinner and if Tamim gets in they will have a big problem. See you in half an hour for the Bangladesh innings.
Things to plug while I head off for some Monster Lunch
1st over: Bangladesh 3-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 3, Imrul Kayes 0) Jimmy Anderson starts with a bit of rib music to Tamim Iqbal – that's clearly a plan – and then curves one straight into Imrul Kayes' special place. England appeal for LBW but it was clearly too high. There's some encouraging swing here for Anderson, and that's a good start. "I remember Lorraine Reese's Young Lions well (38th over)," says Mac Millings. "They were England's tourists to the West Indies in 1989-90, whose . Among the Young Lions were debutants N Hussain and AJ Stewart. Not so Young, but still fairly Leonine, GA Gooch and AJ Lamb." And don't forget David Capel, and unused squad member Keith Medlycott. What a series that was. England were heroic. That victory was so unlikely that, before the first Test, I did one of those stupid childish trade-offs, in which (and I can't believe this with hindsight) I decided I would accept Man Utd being relegated (they were 16th at the time) if England won the first Test.
2nd over: Bangladesh 10-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 8, Imrul Kayes 1) With Stuart Broad injured, the new ball goes to Ajmal Shahzad. His first over is far too straight and he is worked into the leg side for two singles, a two and a three.
3rd over: Bangladesh 16-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 13, Imrul Kayes 2) The dew has changed the character of the pitch a bit, with the ball going through at a reasonable pace. That's a mixed blessing for England. A good over from Anderson by the last delivery, a short ball that Tamim pulls round the corner and through the hamfisted Bopara at fine leg for four. This looks a little ominous, you know. "The expression 'rib music' always conjures up cheery images of a skeleton's ribs being played like a xylophone, in a Nightmare Before Christmas/Skeleton Bride kind of way," says Richard Mansell. "Surely I am not alone in making this connection." Oh not at all. I heard two octogenarian ladies discussing the very same on the train this morning.
4th over: Bangladesh 22-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 18, Imrul Kayes 3) Too straight again from Shahzad, and this time Tamim tucks him to fine leg for four. He has raced to 17 from 10 balls. "I know that there are probably doctorate-level courses in figuring out ICC tournament formats - but surely we can lose both this match and against the WI and still go through?" says Olly Skinner. "We'd need an unlikely bit of help from the Dutch against Bangladesh, but still... something to cling to?" Yep, you're right, but obviously the clue's in the 'help from the Dutch against Bangladesh' bit. If England lose today they will surely have to beat the West Indies to qualify.
5th over: Bangladesh 30-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 25, Imrul Kayes 4) Tamim times Anderson through midwicket for three and then flicks a cocky boundary off the pads to deep backward square. England have bowled far too straight thus far – 27 of the 30 runs have come on the leg side – and they have a big problem. Already. Tamim has 25 from 15 balls. "I remember that 1989-90 series vividly," says Adam Penwarden. "The first overseas series (I think) to be shown live on British telly. I was sharing a flat with my mate Chris, just next door to an Aussie pub in Acton called The Captain Cook. We would knock off work early on freezing cold January days and ensconce ourselves with a few pints to watch Lamby and the boys (nearly) beat the mighty Windies." It was the one in which Tony Greig kept screaming "GOODNIGHT CHARLIE!" Also, who remembers that in which Mervin Durand, an unknown left-arm spinner, took seven for 15 from 19 overs? Preposterous. All those terrifying fast bowlers and you let Mervin Durand take seven from 15. After the previous summer, they probably just saw the name Merv and went a big rubbery one.
6th over: Bangladesh 36-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 26, Imrul Kayes 9) Andrew Strauss turns to his most reliable seamer, Tim Bresnan, although it makes no difference. Kayes plays a pristine drive through mid off for four, the shot of the innings so far. Crikey, England are in all sorts of trouble here. In their defence, the dew has definitely livened up the pitch. This suddenly looks a really good toss to have won.
7th over: Bangladesh 46-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 36, Imrul Kayes 9) England are being Tamimmed, and how. Anderson is short again and Tamim plays a wonderful, Calypso pull stroke, front foot off the ground as he flicks it extravagantly behind square. He gets four more off the last ball of the over, slamming a thrilling drive through the covers before holding the pose at the end of his follow through. Magnificent batsmanship! He has 36 from 22 balls and, if he is here in half an hour's time, this will be over. "You can smell the impending doom here, and the difference, at the moment, is Broad," says Guy Hornsby. "We'll miss him today. Shazhad will be more useful in the late overs if it reverses, but it could be all over by then. Surely we need to take the pace off the ball, so why have we not picked more than Swann to turn the ball? Colly and Trott's leg cutters maybe? If we milked around by the openers much more this will be over before the fat lady's even put her slap on. I'm off for a drink with my old friend Pessimism." Say hi to him. Broad is such an underrated limited-overs bowler, especially on the subcontinent. I suppose England will just try to minimise the damage in these first 10 overs and then try to squeeze Bangladesh with pace off the ball. Trouble is, this is a different pitch now. England are in a rare old mess after just seven overs. Swann needs to come on now, not after the first Powerplay.
8th over: Bangladesh 50-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 36, Imrul Kayes 13) Swann does come into the attack, although even before his first ball he is having problems with the wet ball. He has even more problems when he finally bowls that first ball, because Imrul Kayes blasts it through the covers for four to bring up a fabulous fifty partnership. Swann is drying the ball furiously after every delivery, clearly unhappy, although he concludes the over with five dot balls. "Rob," says Steven House, "not exactly a phobia but when I was a boy I used to jump over the lamp-post shadows that move in the headlights of approaching cars and think this would bring me luck. If I'm on my own I often inadvertently do a little skip over them even now. Embarrassing, yes?" I'm not really one to judge when it comes to embarrassing phobias.
WICKET! Bangladesh 52-1 (Tamim Iqbal b Bresnan 38) That's the big wicket that England desperately needed. The ever reliable Bresnan jags one back towards Tamim, who can't drag his bat down in time before the ball skips through and rattles into off stump. That's a beauty. Tamim made a thrilling 38 from 26 balls and has left Bangladesh in a fantastic position.
9th over: Bangladesh 53-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 13, Junaid Siddique 1) That's changed the mood in Chittagong. "Could you possibly plug my friend for charity please?" says Domink Hindal.
10th over: Bangladesh 58-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 13, Junaid Siddique 6) Swann's second ball is a full toss that Siddique whacks through midwicket for four. That's clearly a consequence of the wet ball, which Swann can't grip properly. This is a huge problem for England. "I used to be afraid of getting knocked out and being unconscious for a while," says Phil Podolsky. "I kept imagining that when I woke up, there'd be officers around my bed informing me I'm under arrest for certain bad things I might have or might have not done, and which would end up horribly misconstrued anyway." The bad thing.
11th over: Bangladesh 65-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 15, Junaid Siddique 11) England take the bowling Powerplay, and Siddique edges Bresnan's first ball through the vacant first-slip area for four. "On the subject of irrational fears or phobias: I have a fear of walking in front of stationary or parked cars, as if at any second they will suddenly lurch forward and run me over," says Tom Uden. "When there is no option but to walk in front of a parked car, I feel as if it's watching me; much like a lion crouches and calmly watches its unsuspecting prey."
12th over: Bangladesh 69-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 18, Junaid Siddique 12) Swann has got a rare funk on about this ball. After each delivery he is scrubbing his hands on the pitch and then drying the ball. Four from his third over. "I've said this before on a similarly themed OBO riff," says David Horn, mistaking this for an OBO that repeats the same riffs again and again and again and again and again and again, "but it remains a troubling concept for me: wet cardboard. It's just so nasty. My vision of hell: the back of Budgens in Tolworth, when I was about 8, where they used to stack the old cardboard boxes, waiting for my mum to finish shopping on a rainy day. Gah – to this day I don't know how I survived being so close to All. That. Wet. Cardboard. Oh god let it stop."
WICKET! Bangladesh 70-2 (Junaid Siddique run out 12) This is a magnificent piece of fielding from Jimmy Anderson. Siddique inside-edged Bresnan towards square leg and belatedly set off. Anderson ran to collect the ball, turned 180 degrees and slammed down the stumps at the non striker's end. It was a breathtaking piece of fielding, with Siddique a fraction short of his ground. It was incredibly close, and the third umpire looked at more than 10 replays, but he was just out.
13th over: Bangladesh 71-2 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 19, Raqibul Hasan 0) Anderson is a staggeringly good all-round fielder, especially for a fast bowler. Has there ever been a better fast bowler/fielder? (All-round fielder, I mean; I know there have been great catchers.) "I'm not sure whether the following is a phobia or a an irrational dislike but I can't stand bus stops being too close together," says Phil Rhodes. "If you can read the bus number from the stop before the one you are standing at they are too close together. It's so infuriating when a bus cant get beyond second gear before having to slow down to stop at the next stop. I tend refuse to travel on buses as a result. If you took out these bus stops then bus travel would be so much quicker, efficient and travel friendly."
WICKET! Bangladesh 73-3 (Raqibul Hasan b Shahzad 0) Brilliant work from Ajmal Shahzad, and from Andrew Strauss. With the ball nipping around a bit he brought Shahzad back on for the unhappy Swann, and Shahzad struck straight away with a gorgeous leg cutter that beat Raqibul Hasan all ends up and hit the top of off stump. Good luck playing that second ball. That really is a beauty, and England are back in the match.
14th over: Bangladesh 74-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 19, Shakib Al Hasan 0) The crowd have gone very quiet. They have The Fear. Who doesn't? "Any chance of keeping us up to date with the D/L par?" says Al Tagliabue. None whatsoever I'm afraid. I'm nowhere near compete enough to do that and assert the flippin' obvious.
15th over: Bangladesh 75-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 20, Shakib Al Hasan 2) Shakib fresh-airs a windy woof at Bresnan, well wide of off stump. Remember when people thought Bresnan had no place in an England squad, never mind team? Now, with Broad gone, he's the most reliable seamer. That's a fine over, just one from it. "This one might be explicable," says Thomas Cope. "I don't like being at the front of traffic lights, far too much pressure, is that a phobia or rational? On the more obviously irrational, I despise odd numbers (which extends to radio stations (909 is a struggle) and even volume level on TV. But I do have a distinct fascination with the number 7." Drinks break. And with that, I'll hand you over to James Dart while I have a quick break of my own.
16th over: Bangladesh 83-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 20, Shakib Al Hasan 3) Afternoon. James here, as Shahzad resumes and quickly delivers up some red-hot filth: a rank sloppy wide delivery down leg-side, which Prior fails to even drop a glove on. Four wides. He serves up another with what becomes the penultimate delivery of the over too. "I have an intense fear of advertising inserts falling out of a newspaper when I open it and giving me a paper cut on my legs," worries Chris Purcell. "Consequently I always open a newspaper over a table. But it's still quite a tense moment."
17th over: Bangladesh 88-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 23, Shakib Al Hasan 4) Two more wides come from this Bopara over, while three easy singles are run down just behind square. Five more from the over. Paul Billington's irrational fear? "Tube ticket gates," he begins. "Ever since I saw my poor little brother get his head stuck in one at South Kensington on our way to the V&A I've had a fear of them snapping shut on me. This wasn't helped recently by my trying to rush through one after someone else had just been through, without putting my ticket in; in return I was violently jerked back and I threw my hangover-sapping Burger King coffee all over the platform. I still caught the train, so I suppose I won – then again it was going to Northampton, so it's probably more of a score-draw." #winning #myfoot
18th over: Bangladesh 92-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 25, Shakib Al Hasan 5) "I have a dread of being recognised when buying the Daily Mail for my mother so have to buy a top-shelf mag to hide it in," declares Richard Mason. Keep telling yourself that, Richard. For your 'mother'. England were 55-3 at this stage. Better from Shahzad, including a toe-busting yorker that has Kayes in all sorts of discomfort, before the batsman drives uppishly from the last delivery through square for two.
19th over: Bangladesh 98-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 30, Shakib Al Hasan 6) Comfortable progress for the fourth-wicket partnership here, Bopara offering up an easy flick to the fine-leg boundary to Kayes which is gratefully taken. "I'm getting pretty scared of some of the people who email in to the OBO," notes Matt Hindle. "Does that count?" They're not the ones that have got your email address, Matt. Mwhahahahaha.
20th over: Bangladesh 105-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 35, Shakib Al Hasan 7) Seventy-four balls for the second 50 to come up, but it's comfortable, especially with Shahzad offering up freebies with another wide: 11% of that first 100 came from wides. Shambles. From the next ball, Kayes plays a delicious forward press straight down the ground for four. England are in trouble. "I have a couple of strange phobias," offers Mike McCarthy. "1) Melted chocolate. Not fully melted, just in a bar form when it's all squishy. Freaks me right out. I have to throw it away, and even then I think it's planning something from the bin. 2) Escalators. I go up or down them incredibly timidly, scared of getting off. Which really doesn't help phobia 3) Public shame." At least you haven't just had them revealed on the OBO, eh? Ah. And with that, I'll hand you back to the more capable hands of Mr Smyth. Cheers.
21st over: Bangladesh 111-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 36, Shakib Al Hasan 12) The commentator refers to England's new bowler as Jamie Anderson. Bah! We've been wrestling with the Jimmy/James thing for eight years and now we have a new option. What next, Jay? Jim? J? Whatever his name is, England need a wicket from him, as this is going Bangladesh's way. The captain Shakib Al Hasan plays a scintillating cover drive for four from the third delivery. While he is at the crease, Bangladesh will feel pretty comfortable. "I very rarely tell people this, although my closest friends have all worked it out and think it's hilarious, but if I'm with one or more people, I absolutely hate going through a door first," says Carl Wrigley. "I have no idea why, but you'll always find me holding the door open for everyone in the party. I also don't like waiting in a place on my own. If I'm meeting someone, I'll wait outside until they arrive, regardless of the weather. When they arrive, I'll open the door for them."
22nd over: Bangladesh 113-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 37, Shakib Al Hasan 12) The ball has been changed – it was in a right state – and England give the dry replacement ball to Graeme Swann. He gets some spin for the first time, turning one past Imrul Kayes' defensive stroke. Then England react petulantly when Daryl Harper gives a harsh leg-side wide. There has been something going on there, today: Harper has been unusually short tempered with England – he refused to let them have a drink earlier, and gave Matt Prior a reprimand a couple of minutes ago – and vice versa. "Dry sponges," ughs Niall Harden. "I have to lift them with an implement and give them a thorough soaking."
23rd over: Bangladesh 117-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 41, Shakib Al Hasan 12) Paul Collingwood comes into the attack, and Kayes slashes his first ball over point for a couple. Four from the over. Bangladesh have all the time in the world to get these runs, so England need to start picking up wickets, particularly Shakib's. "Here's an ," says Kristian Petterson. "Oh, anda propos of nothing, have you heard the , it's worth it."
24th over: Bangladesh 120-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 42, Shakib Al Hasan 14) Two singles from Swann's over. He's bowling tightly, and is much happier with this replacement ball, but England surely need a wicket or two from him if they are to win this game. "Following on from Mike McCarthy in over 20, I'm not a fan of getting on escalators that are broken and not moving," says Daryl Vodden. "I had to get on one the other day, presuming I would be automatically propelled to the upper floor, and proceeded to fall backside over breast. Why do broken escalators feel that much weirder to walk up than, say, a regular flight of stairs? Or am I just an idiot?!" Well, the two aren't mutually exclusive... But you are right, that first step onto a broken escalator always feels wrong.
25th over: Bangladesh 123-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 44, Shakib Al Hasan 15) Collingwood is bowling almost as an offspinner, and getting the ball to grip off the pitch a little. Three from the over, a single to Shakib and a drive for two from the relatively becalmed Imrul Kayes. "Cotton wool makes my skin crawl," says Jos Roberts. " Just the thought of it - I don't even have to pick it up. It doesn't even have to be there - even writing this email is making me feel a bit urgh." What's wrong with cotton wool? Weirdo. Next you'll be telling me you don't like dragging your nails down a chalkboard.
26th over: Bangladesh 127-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 45, Shakib Al Hasan 17) The ball is now wet again, and Swann is scrubbing it as a hygiene freak might an apple he's just bought from Grimsby Market. He's complaining to Daryl Harper, asking him to change it again. Harper says no and Swann is having a real sulk. When the next ball slips out of his hands he screams "Effing rubbish" even before Kayes has cut it for two and then "Effing horse pucky". He didn't say pucky. Then he hoofs the ground in frustration. This isn't good to see. England are in trouble here. Not on-the-run-from-the-cops-in-a-neo-noir trouble, but trouble nonetheless. Talking of which... "I am terrified that some of my DNA, in the form of a single hair, some saliva, some dead skin or even my chewed fingernail, might attach themselves in public to somebody who is consequently brutally attacked, leaving me as prime suspect," says Luke Dealtry. "It hasn't happened yet, but that's probably because I'm not already on the DNA database. But for when it does happen, can I take the chance now to say I'm innocent."
27th over: Bangladesh 131-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 48, Shakib Al Hasan 19) Kayes cuts Collingwood to third man for three. This game is slipping away from England, who desperately need a wicket. It must be time to bring on one of the three main seamers. At the moment Bangladesh are cruising. "Niall Harden has a point about sponges," says Clare Davies. "However there is a huge difference between real sponges and synthetic ones. For me, the real sponge is toe-curlingly hideous when dry, but a wet synthetic sponge is what really sets my teeth on edge. Now that I would have to approach with a pair of tongs or other suitable implement. Do I mean implement? I am now getting phobic about implement not meaning what I think it does. Help. This whole thread is very disturbing." You're telling me. Whose idea wa- oh.
28th over: Bangladesh 135-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 51, Shakib Al Hasan 20) Swann is coming off, which has to be the right move as he's in a very special place at the moment, and it's not a happy one. His replacement is Jimbo Anderson, and Kayes steers him to third man to reach a vital and mature half-century, from 91 balls. The target of 226 is like something from the 1980s, and he has played an old-fashioned innings, setting himself to bat through like Dessie Haynes used to. Well played. "On subject of strange fears; I knew someone who was petrified (I mean physically repulsed) by newspaper," says Simon Burnay. "He was going out with one of wife's then housemates at University and it didn't help when they covered their bed in newspaper under the sheets so that when they went to bed the guy hit the ceiling! Cruel but undeniably amusing. We never did find out if there was a scale of fear from red-top to broadsheet..."
29th over: Bangladesh 139-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 53, Shakib Al Hasan 22) That was a chance for England. Kayes dropped Collingwood into the off side and set off, but the advancing Bopara did not pick the ball up cleanly with Shakib running desperately towards the striker's end. That's one of four singles from the over. Bangladesh need 87 from 126 balls and will kick themselves forever more if they blow this. "Might I be the first of 1,067 amateur sleuths to suggest that the police immediately investigate Luke Dealtry's whereabouts forthwith?" says Duncan Smith. "Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much." He's certainly guilty of a few crimes against fashion. Honk! Ho-honk!
30th over: Bangladesh 149-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 59, Shakib Al Hasan 24) Bopara replaces Anderson and is flayed through extra cover for four by Kayes, a cracking shot that takes him past 1000 runs in ODIs. Bopara's response is one of the filthier deliveries you'll ever see, a quarter-tracker that is also well wide of off stump. Ten from a pretty miserable over. Time for a drink. "In a sideline, I act as Luke Dealtry's barber," says David Weston. "I have been saving his hair for a special occasion. I also have a VERY sharp knife, some detailed plans and a cast-iron alibi."
WICKET! Bangladesh 155-4 (Imrul Kayes run out 60) This is madness from Bangladesh. They were cruising to victory, absolutely cruising. They had already taken seven from Collingwood's over, but they tried for an eighth and lost a vital wicket as a result. Kayes came back for a daft second and Shahzad's bullet throw was collected in front of the stumps by Prior, who then demolished the stumps with Kayes still short of his ground.
31st over: Bangladesh 155-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 28, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) This is a big test of Bangladesh's nerve. "The thing with escalators is that the brain subconsciously predicts that the first step will be moving, even if is stationary," says Edward Barrie. "So when you mount a stopped escalator the brain is tricked into compensating for movement that doesn't exist, hence the uncomfortable feeling of instability. Weird huh?" After today's emails, I have no idea where 'weird' even begins. All I know is that I am normal.
32nd over: Bangladesh 156-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 29, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) Strauss returns to Bresnan, knowing that another quick wicket would make this game almost even. Bangladesh do bat a fair way down, with Mahmudullah and Naeem Islam still to come after the excellent Mushfiqur, who just digs out a majestic reverse inswinger from Bresnan. One from the over. "My granddad had a paralysing fear of flying," says Erik Petersen. "Couldn't get on a plane without a decent bit of scotch and what I believe amounted to horse tranquilisers. (Don't try that at home, kids.) Now granted, many people fear flying. But my grandfather was an engineer for Boeing."
33rd over: Bangladesh 158-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 30, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) You have to press F5 to read about the wicket. Something odd going on with the auto-refresh, sorry. Collingwood has a big shout for LBW against Mushfiqur turned down, but England have gone for the review. There were two noises, but I reckon that hit the pad first. I also think it might have been swinging down leg. It was definitely pad, because Mushfiqur jammed his bat against the boot, but replays show that it was missing leg stump. So Mushfiqur continues, and that was a good decision from Rod Tucker. "Not really a phobia, but Thomas Cope's perfectly rational fear of 909 reminds me of the time when everyone had video recorders," says Andrew Stroud. "I found it intensely irritating that people couldn't be bothered to set the clock and it was left flashing at 00:00, so whenever I was at someone's house, or passing the TV & video section of Dixons, I either set the clock for them or covered it with paper so that I couldn't see it flashing – even though I KNEW it was – which was better than nothing." Nurse!
34th over: Bangladesh 159-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 30, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) Bresnan starts with a wide, then pulls the over back with a six consecutive dot balls to the becalmed Mushfiqur, who has one from 13 deliveries. "Normal?" sniffs Chris Purcell. "How normal is it to make up all these emails from all these other people who 'follow' OBO. Your OBO? wake up, look round, there is no Guardian office; just you, your radio in your bedsit in New Cross. You're sending these emails to yourself. Rob Smyth. New Cross. London."
35th over: Bangladesh 160-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 31, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) Paul Collingwood continues, now armed with the replacement ball, and there is just one from the over. The scoring rate has dropped a fair bit in the last five overs, but the required rate is still only just above four an over. England need wickets, six of them. "Watching in Christchurch, New Zealand," says Victoria Ashton. "Staying up all night to watch these close games is far too stressful. And here they delayed the England match until after the WI. Anyway, I'm quite convinced that people are watching me through mirrors. Even the one in my room that I know is only propped up against the wall. That's normal, right?" I no longer have any idea what normal means. All I know is that I am normal.
WICKET! Bangladesh 162-5 (Shakib b Swann 32) The pressure tells on the captain Shakib Al Hasan, who bottom edges a slog sweep onto his stumps off the new bowler Swann. The scoring rate had slowed to a crawl, and that's the result. Itwas a poor stroke, completely needless. Swann actually thought it had gone through Prior's legs, and threw his hands to his head; then he realised that it had gone through Prior's legs via the off stump. England are right back in this, and the Bangladeshi look terrified that their side are going to bottle this.
36th over: Bangladesh 162-5 (target 226; Mushfiqur Rahim 2, Mahmudullah 0) "My 'thing' is people who don't set the aspect ratios correctly on their TV's, and quite happily sit and watch squashed or stretched pictures," says Leo Carroll. "I either have to leave the house immediately (leaving the room or turning the set off isn't enough) or find their remote control and start messing with their picture settings until it's correct." I love the use of 'thing', in the way gangsters talk about "this thing of ours". We never discuss the existence of this thing... Are you in the TV aspect ratio obsessives group, Dad... and so on.
WICKET! Bangladesh 166-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim c Prior b Shahzad 6) Another bowling change, another wicket. This is a jaffa from Shahzad, almost unplayable. It angled in before cutting sharply off the pitch to take the edge, and Matt Prior took a fine low catch diving to his right. Shahzad does bowl some snorters.
37th over: Bangladesh 166-6 (target 226; Mahmudullah 0, Naeem Islam 0) "Chris Purcell, over 34, assuming it IS Chris Purcell and not Rob Smyth, has opened up a whole sub-riff here where we your imaginary public can collectively shred what's left of a psyche already battered from following the with optimism. Can I lure you into some self psychoanalysis for the amusement of your inner voices?" That email is from Matt Horsham. At least I think it was.
第38次结束：孟加拉国166-6（目标226; Mahmudullah 0，Naeem Islam 0）斯旺通过一个处女鞭打Mahmdullah。 孟加拉国可以感受到土壤落在他们头上。 来自Imrul Kayes; 他到底在做什么？ “我知道在大学的一个家伙，根据他的外衣颜色的光线，将衣服挂在衣柜里，”休马奎尔说。 “相信我 - 你不想和这个男人一起吃饭。” 虽然我想象一个晚上出去就是一桶